Losing a friendship...

I've had some rough patches with a friend in the last few years. I felt moved to write her a letter why its time to put our friendship to rest. How would you react to get this?  I just hope I had God giving me all the right words...

                 Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart. Proverbs 27: 9

Dear      xxxxx     ,

I wanted to let you know in writing what has been going on through my head and heart on the matter of our friendship. We both know, several years back, we were pretty inseparable. Then xxxxx lost his job and your life shifted. You were unable to be the friend I desperately needed when I went through my own rough patches. It was hard, but I was a patient, supportive friend and waited for you… Waited for you to find whatever you were looking for. During that time I lost my best friend and 4 nieces. 

When I poured my heart out to you that one time, it was hard for me because I knew you had already gone through so much, I felt horrible if I was the one who added guilt onto your problems. However, I vowed to God and myself I would always be honest with my friends and so if I added to your burdens at that time, I am sorry. I needed to be honest. After that, I hoped for a gentle renewal of our friendship, but t never really blossomed despite attempts on both sides.

Then, more time has gone by and to reach out for help with the impending surgery and your response was something of the sort of "Call me to (fill in action)." brought me a pang of hurt to an old wound. I so desperately wanted to know you loved me by you taking the initiative to call me. This again is my fault. I should have been honest with you in that moment and laid out that feeling. It led to resentment and distrust that perhaps you didn't care about me. So, when I had to face you at the family BBQ….Well, we both know how cold I was. Again, another moment I failed in. I am sorry because I never wanted to treat somebody like that. 

Since then, in my recover, I've had a lot of time to pray. I felt all the things each of us that did wrong to our friendship was illuminated. In reflecting and praying, I've felt the calmness of God's arms reassuring me that there are seasons for friendships and there are seasons for rest. 

This is a season for rest. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 

 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

It's definitely not the answer I was seeking as I desperately miss the friendship we created and I have spent the last 2 years seeking somebody worthy of filling that position-- that place in my heart. That is something I deserve. I crave. That's God's promise to me: 

My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to slip or to be moved; He Who keeps you will not slumber. Psalm 121:2-3

So with all this and the inserted scriptures that I feel led me by God's own hand, I hope I bring you some peace. I hope you can forgive my wrong, un-rightful acts and move forward. This doesn't mean I won't talk to you-- it means I'm letting our friendship nestle peacefully in my heart instead of pushing it where God does not want it to go. 

Wishing you and your Family the Best,

Mandy

They have testified before the church of your love and friendship. You will do well to forward them on their journey [and you will please do so] in a way worthy of God's [service]. 3 John 1: 6