"Dear Men" Helpful Valentine Guidelines

Dear Men of America,

The great tradition of Valentine's Day is almost upon us. While you dread the day, most women look forward to it. Don't get me wrong, a lot of women dread the day, but those of us who have somebody special in our life like to think of Valentine's Day as a day where you are reminded to go out of your way and make us feel special. Likewise, it is a day for your women to make you feel special as well. However, since a lot of women don't need help in that department, I write this for you. Including my husband. 

I know my husband thinks not celebrating Valentines Day is a stand against a "commercialized holiday". For our dating relationship and our early marriage, I didn't mind not celebrating it. However, now that I've been a stay at home mom for a while, I look forward to another day that my spouse is reminded that he could do something special for me. So let's talk about do's and don'ts for this special day. This guideline also can be used for anniversaries and birthdays. 

DON'Ts

- Don't drag on about how terrible this day is

We know the day can suck. If we don't get anything out of the day, then we still have to look at Facebook and talk to our friends that week and see how awesome tons of other men are. We are apt to get a bit jealous and resentment will settle in. Remember, we take care of you in the daily grind. If you want us to love our job, remind us why we do it. 

- Don't assume flowers are the right fix

Some women enjoy receiving the same bouquet year after year. A lot of women would hate it. The idea of this holiday is to do something your special somebody would like. Flower's are considered a "safe" gift, but it doesn't mean it's the right gift. Good substitutes could be tea if she loves it. Her favorite chocolate (not the stuff in the heart-shaped boxes). A gift card to her favorite store or restaurant. 

- Don't assume that cost=value of the love we feel

If you buy me $50 in roses, I'm going to be miffed because I can think of a whole lot better of things to do with $50. The same goes for jewelry. Unless she has specified that she is looking for a special piece to add to her collection, skip this (unless your proposing). That money could be used for something heartfelt. 

-Don't buy everyday items

Hint: floor mats, razor blades, vacuums (exceptions: if she has been drooling over a dyson, buy her one), etc. Only buy an "everyday item" if it's been something she has been drooling over and is expensive.

-Don't assume you have to buy a gift or flowers

Experiences are welcomed. Sentiments are sweet. If my husband just plans on childcare and we go on a walk together, I would be thrilled.

-Don't ask your wife 

It's not ok to ask your wife to take care of finding childcare or make reservations for something. We do that constantly and it's nice to know that you want to make the day special for us and that includes doing things that you would normally leave to your spouse. 

- Make the day about sex

This day is not about sex. Period. This is a day about love and being loved, not about strings attached. Also, if you do nothing for the day (no sentiments, etc) don't assume we will put out just because it's Valentine's Day. If we end up having sex at the end of the day, we want to give you a gift in your love language. 

-Give her something that's obviously re-gifted

If somebody gives you a little gift as a friendly Valentine, don't give it to your wife as her gift. The lack of thoughtfulness is not ok. 

DO's

- Plan ahead

There's nothing romantic in a man that picks up something last minute on his way home. We want to know you've thought about us, not that you've stooped to the commercialized expectations. Also, planning ahead means taking care of kid arrangements. 

-Think about experiences

For one of our anniversaries, I set up a date of bungee jumping out of a hot air balloon. It was a really special event and one of the most memorable. Also, I had a friend who once went on a date where the man took her to 4 different places: one for drinks, one for appetizer, one for dinner, one for dessert. She remembers it as one of the best dates she's been on. Go roller skating, mini golfing, laser tag, on a walk, to a indoor water park. Something that's different. 

- Ask a female for help 

If you don't know what we want or expect from you, ask a woman you work with, one of our friends. ANYBODY can have an idea that probably is better than yours if you're lacking direction.

- A nice heartfelt sentiment

Even if it's on a scrap of paper from your kids' homework, a little note of being appreciated and endearments is good. If you need ideas, google the words "sentimental endearments for wife"

- Check out Pintrest

here is the website. www.pinterest.com 

Tons of good ideas. If you're planning ahead you can do inexpensive things that will seem special and unique even if you did steal the idea. Your woman will swoon at things that won't take you much time other than planning ahead. Example: coupons for a day off, a night of doing the dishes, a bubble bath, a dinner date for a night of her choosing. It may be cheesy, but we will think it's sweet, wonderful, and unique. 

-Something different

If you do actually do something for Valentines Day yearly, please don't do the same thing year after year. We will eventually dread the day and wish for change. Again, there is a million things you can do to branch out that will make her feel special. Offer to go shopping with her to buy a few special things for her wardrobe. This will seem especially sweet if you hate to go shopping. 

So, there you go. Follow these rules and you should get some extra love from your woman in return. Also, if you're a single man, buy a package of inexpensive chocolates and give them to a single woman in your workplace or something and you will make her day! Valentines day is torture to a single woman because most dream to have the day where she has somebody special enough to celebrate it with. In the mean time, a friendly valentine is an amazing substitution. 

Sincerely, 

Mandy

Moms Need a Break or They will Break

I'm pretty darn lucky that Joe learned really early in our parenting years that it was/is better for me to take time for myself than to have a clean house. Ideally, it would be nice if we could have both. 

Day in and day out, I constantly feel as if my wheels are spinning. You've all seen a car stuck in the snow, where the tires keep spinning and spinning and never seem to get anywhere. Being the only adult in the car, you hope if you keep giving it enough gas, you'll magically just get out of the rut you're in.

 Oh, mothering is so much like this analogy! 

Most days we just keep going through the motions and eventually we hit that rut and we just tell ourselves that we can make it through-- if we just hit that gas peddle a bit harder. However, when I do just that, crazy psycho mom comes out. I'm thinking I should give a name to that side of my split personality. ;)

I just saw in the news where a young mom glued her toddler's hands to the wall and kicked her until she landed in a coma! Initially I am just shocked, but as I think, and if I am truly honest with myself, I see a tiny bit of that crazy mom in myself. Of course I would never harm my children, but sometimes I can just feel my the grasp on my emotions just slip away. Those are the moments when my children will get an extra spanking, extra time-out, etc when maybe they just needed more mommy compassion. I think if we all could just take a step backwards sometimes and put the laundry, dishes, floors, cupboards; everything on hold, we could be better mothers. 

Well, I'm resolving to take a little bit more time for myself in the winter months to come. I'm going to squeeze any moment of me-time into my family's schedule that I can. I know it will be mostly done during nap time or after the kids go to bed, but so be it. I have also spent years grooming my kids to have quiet time in their bedroom so I can even have 10 minutes of sanity. That comes especially handy in the evening when everybody seems to have such a difficult time.

If you have young kids, start practicing putting them in their rooms for a few minutes and every day just add a few more minutes until you get up to 20-30 minutes. Start by explaining that every day after morning playtime or after lunch will be quiet time. The rules are, everybody gets to have quiet time-- including mama! Of course, make sure their room or playing area is safe and free of hazards. Pretty soon, you could add a few breaks into your day and everybody will be happier for it in the end! 

So what are some ways that you can save take a break? Breaks that are productive in furthering myself seem to replenish me the most because it makes me feel like somebody other than just a mother.

*Read a chapter in a book ( I like the Kindle on my iPhone because my kids know it's off limits)
*Take a bath
*Take a nap
*Get on the computer to socialize, educate yourself, or just play a game
*exercise (get a few DVD's that have 10-20 minutes segments so they're quick and in the winter time it's a great way to warm up if the house is a little chilly)
*Call a friend
*Start a devotional
*Journal or blog
* Enjoy a cup of tea, cocoa, or coffee
*Write somebody a hand-written letter
*Do a craft off Pintrest
*Pick a subject and learn a little each day (i.e.,  countries, math, science, etc)

I created a jar to pick one out. 

Mom's Time-Out Jar

As I tell my child mommy is picking her time-out task, they can pick something from the Fun Cup and I will do it with them after the time is up. The red sticks are for things that will take approximately 30 minutes or more and the green one is things that will take 10-20 minutes. So you can say, "We're going to pick a green stick today." 

The Fun Cup

Hope you find some mommy inspiration! Blogging is what I chose today. :D

Salmon Zucchini Dish

I know so many people are looking for new ways to use the leftover zucchini that they have from summer. So, here's what I created:

Salmon Zucchini Dish

2 large cuts of salmon fillet (I use the Costco frozen fillets)
1/3 large zucchini chopped up in larger pieces
1 cup baby bella mushrooms, sliced
1 tablespoon of chopped garlic
1/2 sweet onion diced
1 cup fresh kale, copped
2 cups rice, pre-cooked (I use a mix of brown basmati, black rice and quinoa mixed in a 5 gallon bucket)
olive oil (I use the Mist-O spray)
1 teaspoon basil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 cup sunflower seeds (optional)

Cook your rice ahead of time. I cook mine in bulk and freeze them in about 2 cup portion ziplock bags. Take one bag out as needed. 

Turn oven on to Broil Hi. Place Salmon fillet(s) on  a piece of aluminum foil then on baking pan. Broil until cooked through and lightly crispy (10-15min). 

In a large pan, place the chopped zucchini, onion, mushrooms and garlic. Spray ingredients with olive oil until lightly coated. Saute on medium heat. When it reaches temperature, add about 3 tablespoons of water. When ingredients are sautéed, add rice, kale, basil, salt, and pepper. Add sunflower seeds if your using those in this step. When Salmon is done, shred the salmon and add into ingredients. 

Mix well and Serve. 

Makes 4-6 Servings.