Family Perception

Today I met up with my sister. She has baby number two on the way. We went to a fast food joint to have some lunch. We were quite surprised when we ran into one of our parent's friend, Rick.

I introduced him to Aviana and Rowen and explained that my two older kids were in school. In that instance, it seems time slows down and I can visualize every thought and facial expression that passes his face:

"That's a lot of kids"

"Why so many!?"

"I could never of had that many kids"

"I'm glad I don't have that many grand kids"

Time catches up and he states, "well, your parents sure won the most grand kids contest!"

I just think the perception of my family is hilarious. For example, when I'm out shopping while the older two kids are at school, I have Aviana and Rowen with me. People have stopped me and said, "You have the most perfect family! One boy and one girl!" I reply, "It's even more perfect because they have two big sisters in school." People's expressions go from content to bewilderment to pity in a heartbeat. Suddenly, it seems I sprout horns and they quickly exclaim, "Well, you are a busy lady!" Or "You must've kept going until you got that boy!" Then they rush away feeling sorry for me. 

I come from a family of just my sister and I. My husband was the third (surprise!) child. However, my husband's dad is the oldest out of ten. My mother in law has a sister that had ten children. Our 4 seems comfortable. Not too many at all. However, the way people perceive us is as if we had 20! 

We are so glad we had 4. Not so we could have a boy, but because we felt like that was God's path. Our van is full and so is our hearts. 

Rethinking Christmas

Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year when I was a child. Gifts. Lots of gifts! However, as a child I was strongly misled to believe that gifts were the most important part of Christmas. My parents did the best they could to indulge their kids. I don't blame them. What parent doesn't want to give their child everything?

My goal is to turn that indulgences from tangible things into emotional and memorable. My kids may seem disappointed for a few key years especially when they get to compare what they got for Christmas  versus what some friends received. 

Our generation has a choice to make a difference. I don't want to figure out how I'm going to pay for a day that will end up costing me  $1,000 between gifts and food. According to http://americanresearchgroup.com/holiday/, American's will spend $854 on Christmas gifts in 2012. To me, that is crazy to take anywhere near that much money out of my family's budget just to make everybody feel "happy" for a day. No matter what I do or how much money I spend, what I get will make somebody feel inadequate. 

The first step is to include your kids in every step possible and explain over and over that Christmas is not about the gifts that we receive or give; it's about spending time with the people we love and gifts would mean nothing without the people that gave them. Then, let all the people in your life that normally receive gifts know that the Holiday Seasons will start being different for your family in an effort to teach your children a better meaning of Christmas and to be grateful for the things we already have. Who in the world would be able to argue with that logic???

Then include your kids in making everybody homemade gifts-- something that shows love by time and effort being put into investing into that person. Isn't that what we all want? Somebody to invest into us? Something more than picking something off of a shelf that we won't remember by the time the next Christmas rolls around. 

Pintrest is full of wonderful ideas to make the holidays more memorable for our children. Make memories, not expectations.

Thankful Dinnerware for the Family

Like most parents, I want my children to be grateful for what they have in their lives. We are always together for at least one meal a day and it is my goal this month to make those together meals more meaningful in the time leading up to Thanksgiving. Showing my thankfulness on Facebook is great, but I think my kids are the one that needs to see more than anybody that their mom is grateful and content. 

So while I was at MOPS today, I was struck with a bit of inspiration. On my way home, I stopped at Fred Meyers and got 6 inexpensive beige fabric napkins (the ended up being around $1.30 each). At home I have lots of colorful Sharpies and I printed out some leaf stencils from www.craftjr.com (free).

The photo below is what I crafted in just an hour. My family will write down their thanks at our family meal and we can go around and discuss what and why we wrote. That's the plan. Let's see how well that goes. :)

What are some creative ways that you and your family express thankfulness? 

Mom's on Anti-depressants

I recently just got a message from a friend saying that she was sorry she hadn't been able to keep up on our communication. She is having a "hard time" and is on anti-depressants. Much like her, I know the problems that lead to being on anti-depressants. More so, it's the stigma that goes with being on them.

I never had postpartum depression until after my 3rd child was born. It's not the normal depression symptoms that hallmarked the diagnoses. Sure I was tired, but doesn't that come from having 3 kids ages 3 and under? What got me was my irritability. I had this mood that just would explode at any time. I knew it was there, I tried to help it, but it seems somebody else was controlling my outbursts. When I finally lashed out at my oldest child for what I even knew was not a good excuse, I went to the doctor. I saw the look in my child's eyes that mom was kind of scary. I didn't want her to look at me that way. 

After visiting the doctor, I've tried 2 different anti-depressants. Of course we looked for other reasons as to what was happening to me, but all my blood work came back normal. Choosing to go on anti-depressants was hard because Joe's family is pretty against prescription anything. Even Joe struggles with depression at times, whether he wants to admit it or not. I've asked him if he would ever take an anti-depressant just to help get him through the tough times so he can continue to function instead of huddling in a room reading a book. He adamantly said no. I wonder why because that's why I got on the pills. I figured somebody was saying, "Look, all you have to do is take this little pill once a day and you have a better shot at being a better mother." Who would refuse that?

According to WEBMD they said, "There's such extensive literature about the potential negative impact of a mother's depression on her children," Hendrick tells WebMD. "They don't do as well in a variety of factors - scores on IQ tests later on. They don't have a secure attachment with their mother. As they grow up, they tend to show more aggressive behavior toward peers."

I understand everybody's not me and doesn't look at their choices in such a light, but don't you want to have a better shot at being a better parent? I don't mind sharing the fact that I'm on anti-depressants. There's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with my personality. I have a chemical imbalance. www.psychcentral.com stated so nicely, “An important aspect of our advanced monoamine model is that individuals with depression lose chemicals like serotonin and dopamine at different rates based upon transporter density. This helps explain why one person with depression may experience loss of appetite while another may not. And some people have more severe symptoms than others,” said Dr. Meyer."

So to be a better mom, I am on anti-depressants and I would encourage anybody that balancing out hormones to be a better mom, dad, brother, sister, citizen or whatever is worth a shot. I mean, could it be any worse than where you might be right now? If you don't like being a statistic, throw that out the window. You're a statistic no matter which side your on. The question is, do you want to be a part of this next statistic?

According to www.psychcentral.com,
"The next step for researchers will be to investigate why MAO-A levels are raised in the brain and consider prevention strategies. Prevention strategies are critical — according to the World Health Organization, major depression is currently the fourth leading cause of death and disability and is expected to rise to second by the year 2020."

UPDATE:
The supplement I use to help with my depression-- Click that and it will take you to the Solaray Adrenal caps that I use to help aid my depression. I felt amazing one time when the doctor put me on steroids. I got a glimpse of the mom I want to be. So I did some research on a natural way to get that feeling. A lot of the ingredients that I found are in this supplement. Try it, can't hurt!