Do You Utilize One of the Best Parenting Tools

Dear Parents, 

Do you utilize one of the most useful tools you have? You already possess it and you probably under-utilize it. Natural consequences. 

Natural consequences are such a powerful parenting tool. It teaches kids real life lessons. Now, I'm not saying let your toddler play with a knife and see how it goes. I'm saying if your 4 year old is refusing to put on a coat on a balmy 34 degree day because it's sunny and refuses to listen to your stance, let him/her go out without the coat. The child will quickly realize that maybe mom or dad had a point and be back for the coat. 

My daughter forgot to take her snowsuit one day to school after I told her to pack it that morning. The school called me and asked me to take it to her or she would have to stay inside at recess. I told them that she could stay inside at recess. She didn't forget it again. 

There are so many instances where parents could let natural consequence teach the kids a lesson. We feel pressured by society standards to protect our children every minute of the day; to hover over them to ensure their safety; and as they get older, do their work for them so they get it done. Instead, I challenge you to ask yourself these simple questions 1) what is the natural consequence if my child doesn't heed me? 2) will he/she be safe if the natural consequence happens? If so, let it! 

Here is a few scenarios:

Toddler stage: you tell your child over and over in the store to stay close and he refuses to listen and jets off. You can either run after him to scold him AGAIN or let him get "lost" (where you still have eyes on him) and let him feel a moment of panic when he can't find you. 

School age: you fight with your daughter every night to get her homework done. You can hound her day after day or you can tell her it is her responsibility to get it done and signed by you. If not, let her deal with the responsibility of a bad grade and facing the teacher. 

Teen: your son is a little irresponsible and ends up losing a book borrowed from the teacher. You can either look for it and pay the fine or make your teen figure a way to pay it back or work it off. At this point, they are able to negotiate for themselves. 

Whether you get looked at oddly while your kid explores natural consequences or you have to explain to the school that doing homework isn't your responsibility, keep on letting natural consequences teach. This is one of the best ways for kids to learn what is good ideas or bad ideas and what is good habits or bad habits. We can't save/protect our kids forever and once we teach them that lesson while they're still under the safety of our roofs, the better, sufficient adults they will become. 

"Dear Men" Helpful Valentine Guidelines

Dear Men of America,

The great tradition of Valentine's Day is almost upon us. While you dread the day, most women look forward to it. Don't get me wrong, a lot of women dread the day, but those of us who have somebody special in our life like to think of Valentine's Day as a day where you are reminded to go out of your way and make us feel special. Likewise, it is a day for your women to make you feel special as well. However, since a lot of women don't need help in that department, I write this for you. Including my husband. 

I know my husband thinks not celebrating Valentines Day is a stand against a "commercialized holiday". For our dating relationship and our early marriage, I didn't mind not celebrating it. However, now that I've been a stay at home mom for a while, I look forward to another day that my spouse is reminded that he could do something special for me. So let's talk about do's and don'ts for this special day. This guideline also can be used for anniversaries and birthdays. 

DON'Ts

- Don't drag on about how terrible this day is

We know the day can suck. If we don't get anything out of the day, then we still have to look at Facebook and talk to our friends that week and see how awesome tons of other men are. We are apt to get a bit jealous and resentment will settle in. Remember, we take care of you in the daily grind. If you want us to love our job, remind us why we do it. 

- Don't assume flowers are the right fix

Some women enjoy receiving the same bouquet year after year. A lot of women would hate it. The idea of this holiday is to do something your special somebody would like. Flower's are considered a "safe" gift, but it doesn't mean it's the right gift. Good substitutes could be tea if she loves it. Her favorite chocolate (not the stuff in the heart-shaped boxes). A gift card to her favorite store or restaurant. 

- Don't assume that cost=value of the love we feel

If you buy me $50 in roses, I'm going to be miffed because I can think of a whole lot better of things to do with $50. The same goes for jewelry. Unless she has specified that she is looking for a special piece to add to her collection, skip this (unless your proposing). That money could be used for something heartfelt. 

-Don't buy everyday items

Hint: floor mats, razor blades, vacuums (exceptions: if she has been drooling over a dyson, buy her one), etc. Only buy an "everyday item" if it's been something she has been drooling over and is expensive.

-Don't assume you have to buy a gift or flowers

Experiences are welcomed. Sentiments are sweet. If my husband just plans on childcare and we go on a walk together, I would be thrilled.

-Don't ask your wife 

It's not ok to ask your wife to take care of finding childcare or make reservations for something. We do that constantly and it's nice to know that you want to make the day special for us and that includes doing things that you would normally leave to your spouse. 

- Make the day about sex

This day is not about sex. Period. This is a day about love and being loved, not about strings attached. Also, if you do nothing for the day (no sentiments, etc) don't assume we will put out just because it's Valentine's Day. If we end up having sex at the end of the day, we want to give you a gift in your love language. 

-Give her something that's obviously re-gifted

If somebody gives you a little gift as a friendly Valentine, don't give it to your wife as her gift. The lack of thoughtfulness is not ok. 

DO's

- Plan ahead

There's nothing romantic in a man that picks up something last minute on his way home. We want to know you've thought about us, not that you've stooped to the commercialized expectations. Also, planning ahead means taking care of kid arrangements. 

-Think about experiences

For one of our anniversaries, I set up a date of bungee jumping out of a hot air balloon. It was a really special event and one of the most memorable. Also, I had a friend who once went on a date where the man took her to 4 different places: one for drinks, one for appetizer, one for dinner, one for dessert. She remembers it as one of the best dates she's been on. Go roller skating, mini golfing, laser tag, on a walk, to a indoor water park. Something that's different. 

- Ask a female for help 

If you don't know what we want or expect from you, ask a woman you work with, one of our friends. ANYBODY can have an idea that probably is better than yours if you're lacking direction.

- A nice heartfelt sentiment

Even if it's on a scrap of paper from your kids' homework, a little note of being appreciated and endearments is good. If you need ideas, google the words "sentimental endearments for wife"

- Check out Pintrest

here is the website. www.pinterest.com 

Tons of good ideas. If you're planning ahead you can do inexpensive things that will seem special and unique even if you did steal the idea. Your woman will swoon at things that won't take you much time other than planning ahead. Example: coupons for a day off, a night of doing the dishes, a bubble bath, a dinner date for a night of her choosing. It may be cheesy, but we will think it's sweet, wonderful, and unique. 

-Something different

If you do actually do something for Valentines Day yearly, please don't do the same thing year after year. We will eventually dread the day and wish for change. Again, there is a million things you can do to branch out that will make her feel special. Offer to go shopping with her to buy a few special things for her wardrobe. This will seem especially sweet if you hate to go shopping. 

So, there you go. Follow these rules and you should get some extra love from your woman in return. Also, if you're a single man, buy a package of inexpensive chocolates and give them to a single woman in your workplace or something and you will make her day! Valentines day is torture to a single woman because most dream to have the day where she has somebody special enough to celebrate it with. In the mean time, a friendly valentine is an amazing substitution. 

Sincerely, 

Mandy

Combating the Vegetable Hate

My two older girls have known for a long time why it's important to eat the vegetables in front of them. However, that knowledge wasn't enough for my oldest daughter, Serenity, to be encouraged to eat her vegetables at dinner. The last few weeks we have been doing the dinner battle with Serenity. 

I decided originally that I would revamp some of my meals and make veggies more appealing in the dishes. It didn't work because my kids don't like cooked veggies. So how do you make the dinner salad more appealing? I tried adding interesting things to it but it wasn't enough for her to be encouraged to eat it without complaining. 

I found out how many vegetables they need. For her body weight and height, it seemed a good amount was 1 1/2cups. 

I then thought of a reward she would be excited for. School lunches. Every other Wednesday her school orders pizza from Pizza Hut. She hates not being able to eat pizza with all of her classmates because I'm too cheap. Yes, it's not nutritious either but I know one day twice a month won't kill her. 

So I created this area in our dining room: 

I explained to my older girls they would measure out their own vegetables every night at dinner. I want to empower them to make the choice and it teaches a good life skill in determining portions. Then if dad or I approve that they met the goal for the day, they will earn a tally. After 10 tallies they can earn $2.50 to get school lunch of their choice. Our school only provides lunch on Wednesdays. 

I also set this up on the table:

I am so tired of my daughter coming home every day and the first words out of her mouth is, "What's for dinner?" I could only dream that the first words would be, "Hi mom!" 

Last night I also put a fun spin on tacos. I set their plates up like this: 

I gave them each a bowl so they could measure out the vegetables they wanted on their tacos then I had the meat, rice and cheese in these little individual casserole pots. Each child was easily able to scoop their own ingredients directly onto their tacos. It was nice not to get up every time a child wanted their second taco. 

I plan on using these mini casserole pans to make other dishes in. Any ideas on what else? 

Teach Your Child About the Gifts That Can't be Placed in a Box

Thanksgiving is finally over. It was nice to see people being thankful for what they have in November but the Christmas greediness starts with Black Friday. 

Society is trying to instill in our future generations that while gifts are nice during the Christmas season, the true "gift" is the people behind the gifts and are one of the blessings that we should be grateful for. We are trying to teach them that Christmas wouldn't happen at all if it weren't for Jesus' birth and the importance of His birth. 

However, what do we do at the end of the day that shows these values? People give the kids more stuff; ironically just after celebrating being grateful for the stuff they already have.

This year my kids won't be getting much because of the financial situation we are in. I've saved a few things that I have collected through the year that will be special gifts from Santa, but that will be the extent of our gifts. I've already informed them what their Christmas will look like and why. They shrugged and said, "OK, that's fine" and went back to what they were doing. I've been instilling the phrase, "That gift that _______ gave you would mean nothing compared to the gift of love that _________ gives you-- which is why they gave you the gift."

However, this year is a perfect platform to keep showing those ideals. I'm keeping the Thanksgiving gratitude theme going by continuing with this Christmas one: 

We put up this little tree on our front door and under it are gifts. Each child will label a gift once a day with "gifts" that are given to us every day that could never be placed in a box. These gifts are more precious than any tangible object. 

Here is a photo of our start: 

So I am challenging your family to start your own "special tree" and put the most precious gifts under it that you already have. 

It's not looking good....

I've had a lot on my mind lately. I had an outpatient procedure done a few weeks ago. A simple procedure where they took a camera and looked at some of my insides. Pretty simple. It was something we felt had to be done with the kidney infections I've been getting. Well, we received the bills this last week. They total to over $1,700. This just blows my mind because we have decent health insurance and it was a simple procedure and there were no complications. In fact, the idea was to go in and see what was going on in the plumbing and possibly put a stint in. Well, they got in and found everything to be in tip-top shape. 

Let me back track and explain some things. I know this may seem incoherent but I'm just so upset and stressed about it that I can't even think straight. To preface, I should explain that we have decent health coverage through Joe's work that we pay over $700 a month for. For major operations, we have a deductible ($1,000) plus a 20% copay. When I had 4 major surgeries last summer that included 2 surgeons and a 3 day hospital stay, we ended up paying $3000 out of pocket for. That was tough to swallow but we felt it was pretty legit. Not great, but I had major stuff taken care of. So, when I went in and with the outpatient status, the procedure itself took under an hour and all they ended up doing was sticking a camera up my who-ha (no cuts and stitches!) and now I have to cough up $1700. I just feel outraged. It's not just the fact that it seems like so much compared to what my surgeries were last summer, but we are just hit really hard right now. The few weeks leading up to my surgery I had been out of work, on a 2 week hiatus. Well, after my surgery, I was supposed to be working again. However, at the same time I received the bills, I found out I lost my job. I should mention the loss wasn't through a fault of my own. Anyhow, so now we have this huge bill staring down at us and: 1) I lost my job, 2) we are just making ends meet now by stretching our budget 3) it's the worst time of the year for bills due to Christmas and 4) the extra normal expenses of winter like heating. I've just been racking my brain trying to figure out how we can do this. I'm glad that I've shopped at the thrift stores and clearance racks throughout the year to already have a semblance of Christmas and I can home-make the rest. I've already broken it to my kids that while every Christmas is focused on love and family, this year that's pretty much what it's going to encompass. What I have saved so far up to this point is going to be Santa's gifts. My kids, bless their little hearts, said they were okay with that and seemed to keep in good spirit. 

To get back on track, I'm not writing this to try to get pity. I'm writing about my situation to express that it's frustrating that us "middle-class" Americans that work hard to pay for our health care are still getting a short end of the stick to get mediocre healthcare. And no, I didn't vote for Obama. I'm frustrated that people are free loading while my family suffers because we choose to work hard. I'm feeling enormous guilt that my family is now going to struggle for x-amount of months because I had health problems, which by the way, is still not straightened out. I feel like maybe I made the wrong decision to seek healthcare because it may cost my family heat for our house or food. 

I can only wonder what has happened in the last year to make the hospital bill skyrocket. Obamacare. I've had people tell me that should have only affected our premiums (which it did). However, my hypothesis lies within this thought: hospitals have been know to charge people without insurance less because of "cash payment" versus the "insurance rate list prices" that are negotiated between the hospital and insurance company. However, the amount of people that are going to be insured because of Obamacare could make hospital bills go up because there will be more insurance companies required, by contract, to cover those expenses. 

Right now I'm doing what I can do get through this time. I'm pinching my pennies and praying that there is an opportunity for us to come up with that money. 

Freezer Tips

You've probably seen those tips flying around Pintrest or Facebook of women that freeze dinners, sauces, soups, etc in freezer bags and have them stocked on top of each other nice and tidy. I tried that for awhile. It's great while in the freezer but it seemed to get messy in the preparing stage and definitely in the thawing stage. It never failed that I got some food stuck in the zipper and when it was thawing, the bag opened or leaked and became a mess. 

In my opinion, I came up with a better option. I freeze nearly everything in canning jars or glass jars that food originally came in (like spaghetti sauce). They're reusable and if you're recycling the ones that food was prepackaged in, more brownie points for you! 

What's wonderful about putting sauces and soups in these jars is that you can stick them straight from the freezer into a crockpot filled with water. Turn on low for 6-8 hours or high for 4-6 hours and you can evenly heat the contents.

 Everybody wants a different kind of soup for dinner? No problem. Thawing Alfredo sauce for dinner? It thaws to more of a texture when you originally made it. If you make spaghetti for dinner and only use 1/2 a jar, stick the rest in the freezer and thaw/heat in a water bath when you are ready. 

So put the ziplock bags away and go grab a jar! 

Learning How to Make Ravioli

A few months ago, I bought a pasta maker at a thrift store for under $10. I was stoked at the idea of making homemade pasta. I honestly didn't care too much about noodles because cost wise (and labor) it didn't seem worth it to make it. However, now that I have the machine, I'm seeing how worth it is! 

When I bought the machine, I wanted to make ravioli. That is worth the time and money saved compared to store bought. However, after looking at a lot of instruction online, I feel there's a few things missing when it comes to making the ravioli. 

I found that making the dough in my stand mixer was easiest. When it's done, I put it in a bread bag to sit for an hour and also when I'm working with the dough (Photo A).

When you are ready to go, I take a fist size amount of dough to work with. Then I take my mesh strainer and sift flour onto my work space and into the ravioli tray. Sprinkle it liberally everywhere. It helps so the ravioli doesn't stick in the tray. When you freeze the ravioli, you can dust off excess flour when they're frozen. 

When I first started making pasta, I thought it was silly that you had to roll through 1-6 to make the pasta. Why couldn't you go to a thin setting and be done? Now I know. It's not just about getting the dough thin, it's about getting the dough to be in a nice rectangle shape and to make sure it's floured thoroughly for the finished product. 

So, roll your dough through each setting, folding the dough into thirds in between each set. This is how it should go through each set: 

1. On setting 1, roll your dough through, after its floured enough so it doesn't feel sticky. 

2. Fold into thirds. (Photo B)

3. Rub your fingers over your work surface with your fingers closed and gather flour in between your digits and rub over each side of the dough so that the dough doesn't feel sticky. (Photo C) 

It should resemble photo D. You just want to rub the flour onto the surface of the dough, not into it.

4. Run it through on setting 1 again, running the dough through the opposite way (on the bias).

5. Complete each setting through 5, keeping the dough floured and rectangle. 

To make the ravioli, I highly recommend using a ravioli tray. I found mine at TJ Max. I use Ravioliera- con mattarello- 26cm. (Photo 1)

1. Sift flour onto the tray (Photo 2)

2. Place your first dough that you pressed on the floured tray (Photo 3)

3. At this point, you do not need to press the dough into the tray. If your dough is a bit narrow in some places, you manually stretch it. Fill each "space" with a heaping half teaspoon of filling. (Photo 4)

4. Run another batch of dough through the machine and place over the filling. (Photo 5) 

5. Lightly sift flour over the top dough. (Photo 6)

6. With a rolling pin, gently roll the dough. Gradually increase pressure (so you don't squirt filling out) until the dough gets cut with the tray ridges. 

7. Extra dough can be cut off and used again- just put it In a bag so it doesn't dry out. 

8. Place freezer paper on a metal cookie pan and either flip the ravioli onto it or dig each one out individually. I use a commercial size cookie sheet because it fits my freezer perfectly. 

9. When you have the sheet filled up, place in the freezer for an hour until frozen. Place ravioli into freezer bags. 

I hope this helps a fellow beginning pasta  maker out. It takes quite a bit of practice, so be patient. To fill up this one cookie sheet takes me about an hour to do solo. 

Good Luck!