Dear Men of America,
The great tradition of Valentine's Day is almost upon us. While you dread the day, most women look forward to it. Don't get me wrong, a lot of women dread the day, but those of us who have somebody special in our life like to think of Valentine's Day as a day where you are reminded to go out of your way and make us feel special. Likewise, it is a day for your women to make you feel special as well. However, since a lot of women don't need help in that department, I write this for you. Including my husband.
I know my husband thinks not celebrating Valentines Day is a stand against a "commercialized holiday". For our dating relationship and our early marriage, I didn't mind not celebrating it. However, now that I've been a stay at home mom for a while, I look forward to another day that my spouse is reminded that he could do something special for me. So let's talk about do's and don'ts for this special day. This guideline also can be used for anniversaries and birthdays.
DON'Ts
- Don't drag on about how terrible this day is
We know the day can suck. If we don't get anything out of the day, then we still have to look at Facebook and talk to our friends that week and see how awesome tons of other men are. We are apt to get a bit jealous and resentment will settle in. Remember, we take care of you in the daily grind. If you want us to love our job, remind us why we do it.
- Don't assume flowers are the right fix
Some women enjoy receiving the same bouquet year after year. A lot of women would hate it. The idea of this holiday is to do something your special somebody would like. Flower's are considered a "safe" gift, but it doesn't mean it's the right gift. Good substitutes could be tea if she loves it. Her favorite chocolate (not the stuff in the heart-shaped boxes). A gift card to her favorite store or restaurant.
- Don't assume that cost=value of the love we feel
If you buy me $50 in roses, I'm going to be miffed because I can think of a whole lot better of things to do with $50. The same goes for jewelry. Unless she has specified that she is looking for a special piece to add to her collection, skip this (unless your proposing). That money could be used for something heartfelt.
-Don't buy everyday items
Hint: floor mats, razor blades, vacuums (exceptions: if she has been drooling over a dyson, buy her one), etc. Only buy an "everyday item" if it's been something she has been drooling over and is expensive.
-Don't assume you have to buy a gift or flowers
Experiences are welcomed. Sentiments are sweet. If my husband just plans on childcare and we go on a walk together, I would be thrilled.
-Don't ask your wife
It's not ok to ask your wife to take care of finding childcare or make reservations for something. We do that constantly and it's nice to know that you want to make the day special for us and that includes doing things that you would normally leave to your spouse.
- Make the day about sex
This day is not about sex. Period. This is a day about love and being loved, not about strings attached. Also, if you do nothing for the day (no sentiments, etc) don't assume we will put out just because it's Valentine's Day. If we end up having sex at the end of the day, we want to give you a gift in your love language.
-Give her something that's obviously re-gifted
If somebody gives you a little gift as a friendly Valentine, don't give it to your wife as her gift. The lack of thoughtfulness is not ok.
DO's
- Plan ahead
There's nothing romantic in a man that picks up something last minute on his way home. We want to know you've thought about us, not that you've stooped to the commercialized expectations. Also, planning ahead means taking care of kid arrangements.
-Think about experiences
For one of our anniversaries, I set up a date of bungee jumping out of a hot air balloon. It was a really special event and one of the most memorable. Also, I had a friend who once went on a date where the man took her to 4 different places: one for drinks, one for appetizer, one for dinner, one for dessert. She remembers it as one of the best dates she's been on. Go roller skating, mini golfing, laser tag, on a walk, to a indoor water park. Something that's different.
- Ask a female for help
If you don't know what we want or expect from you, ask a woman you work with, one of our friends. ANYBODY can have an idea that probably is better than yours if you're lacking direction.
- A nice heartfelt sentiment
Even if it's on a scrap of paper from your kids' homework, a little note of being appreciated and endearments is good. If you need ideas, google the words "sentimental endearments for wife"
- Check out Pintrest
here is the website. www.pinterest.com
Tons of good ideas. If you're planning ahead you can do inexpensive things that will seem special and unique even if you did steal the idea. Your woman will swoon at things that won't take you much time other than planning ahead. Example: coupons for a day off, a night of doing the dishes, a bubble bath, a dinner date for a night of her choosing. It may be cheesy, but we will think it's sweet, wonderful, and unique.
-Something different
If you do actually do something for Valentines Day yearly, please don't do the same thing year after year. We will eventually dread the day and wish for change. Again, there is a million things you can do to branch out that will make her feel special. Offer to go shopping with her to buy a few special things for her wardrobe. This will seem especially sweet if you hate to go shopping.
So, there you go. Follow these rules and you should get some extra love from your woman in return. Also, if you're a single man, buy a package of inexpensive chocolates and give them to a single woman in your workplace or something and you will make her day! Valentines day is torture to a single woman because most dream to have the day where she has somebody special enough to celebrate it with. In the mean time, a friendly valentine is an amazing substitution.
Sincerely,
Mandy
