Dear Parents,
Do you utilize one of the most useful tools you have? You already possess it and you probably under-utilize it. Natural consequences.
Natural consequences are such a powerful parenting tool. It teaches kids real life lessons. Now, I'm not saying let your toddler play with a knife and see how it goes. I'm saying if your 4 year old is refusing to put on a coat on a balmy 34 degree day because it's sunny and refuses to listen to your stance, let him/her go out without the coat. The child will quickly realize that maybe mom or dad had a point and be back for the coat.
My daughter forgot to take her snowsuit one day to school after I told her to pack it that morning. The school called me and asked me to take it to her or she would have to stay inside at recess. I told them that she could stay inside at recess. She didn't forget it again.
There are so many instances where parents could let natural consequence teach the kids a lesson. We feel pressured by society standards to protect our children every minute of the day; to hover over them to ensure their safety; and as they get older, do their work for them so they get it done. Instead, I challenge you to ask yourself these simple questions 1) what is the natural consequence if my child doesn't heed me? 2) will he/she be safe if the natural consequence happens? If so, let it!
Here is a few scenarios:
Toddler stage: you tell your child over and over in the store to stay close and he refuses to listen and jets off. You can either run after him to scold him AGAIN or let him get "lost" (where you still have eyes on him) and let him feel a moment of panic when he can't find you.
School age: you fight with your daughter every night to get her homework done. You can hound her day after day or you can tell her it is her responsibility to get it done and signed by you. If not, let her deal with the responsibility of a bad grade and facing the teacher.
Teen: your son is a little irresponsible and ends up losing a book borrowed from the teacher. You can either look for it and pay the fine or make your teen figure a way to pay it back or work it off. At this point, they are able to negotiate for themselves.
Whether you get looked at oddly while your kid explores natural consequences or you have to explain to the school that doing homework isn't your responsibility, keep on letting natural consequences teach. This is one of the best ways for kids to learn what is good ideas or bad ideas and what is good habits or bad habits. We can't save/protect our kids forever and once we teach them that lesson while they're still under the safety of our roofs, the better, sufficient adults they will become.
