Discovery

So I think I'll be blogging about how creative I'll be getting soon. Yesterday, I had a friend over and I was showing off some of my "amazing abs" but she had to feel them through my kangaroo pouch that had carried my 4 children. She ended up giving me a good poke right above my belly button and exclaimed, "what is THAT?!" I felt and had no idea what the lump is that we felt.


So today, I went to the doctor. After some ultrasounds I found out I have an abdominal hernia. No lifting groceries, no lifting laundry, no lifting kids. How in the world am I going to manage this?


I am constantly lifting Rowen, my 20 month old, up and down. Joe works swing shift and so the duty of putting kids to bed is me. From the few people that I have told about my hernia so far, a lot of them have told me: "Well, Rowen is just going to have to become more independent." It's frustrating that they don't understand because even independent kids need help. I need to lift Rowen in and out of his crib and in and out of his carseat mostly. He can climb onto a kitchen chair but he's still not able to climb in the bathtub. 


When people give such advice, I feel it's a way that they're discretely telling me I am inadequate in trying to make my kids healthy, functioning humans. I know that's not what people mean to do, but it's the way it makes me feel.


So from the research I've done on hernias and the surgery that I am sure is to come, I'm going to be out a few months from lifting, working out, and other things. 


Now will be the time to discover who my friends are. Who will support me and helping me when I need it the most. 


I really should explain that I feel lame because I don't feel like I'm really in that much pain but the logical part of me is saying that I need to be careful and listen to the doctors.